Codependency is a poorly defined term describing relationship difficulties where obsession about another person in the relationship dominates and presents personal and interpersonal dysfunction. It is prevalent yet essentially overlooked from a treatment perspective. There are no 'codependency treatment centers'. The codependent in a relationship often worries about their loved one struggling with addiction, and may 'send' him or her off to rehab. But what about the codependent? Left at home, nothing changes, and the addict may return home clean, sober, and happy. But what about you? Are you happy? Do you deserve rehab too?
If addiction is a chronic, progressive, family disease, and everyone in the family system is affected, then why is it that rehab is typically only for the alcoholic or addict?
Adult children of alcoholics (ACOA) and other forms of codependency are just as significant and impactful as addiction to alcohol, other drugs, or behaviors such as gambling. The alcoholic or addict goes off to rehab and comes home a new person: freed of destructive patterns of thinking and behaving, relieved of shame, guilt and remorse, and with new life skills for living life on life's terms, one day at a time.
But what about you? Perhaps you have grown up with an alcoholic parent. Or you have been in relationship, or marriage, with a suffering alcoholic or addict. You worry about others, try to make things right, give of yourself endlessly, feel upset, disrespected, or taken for granted by the way others treat you, attempt to control people, places or things, feel empty, despair, lesser than, shame, or anger. You feel alone in a sea of people you care for. No one understands.
You need and deserve help too! You too should have a healing, nurturing place where you can go to heal. Have a break. Take time for you. Restore and renew.
Take time for you. Find out who You really are. Get help focusing on your process of change! You can heal from and let go of past hurts, stop worrying about the future, and learn skills for living life, YOUR life, in this moment, to your fullest. And you deserve to have fun too.
The mad cycle of addiction within the entire family can finally be broken. And it starts with you... not the other person who has always seemed to be 'the problem'. It's your time to be free!
Codependency rehab. It's time... and it's your turn!
John Derry is founder and director of Serenity Vista Recovery Retreat. Codependency is one of Serenity Vista's specializations. Visit http://www.serenityvista.com.
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